Appointment 21 weeks

Currently Craving: Sleep on my stomach (not going to happen any time soon)

Today was our appointment with Nancy #3. back to her house, sit on the bed and chat. and since we're at the mid-point she's already told us anything she feels that is particularly important for us to know about pregnancy. and since we're at the mid-point she's not going to burden us with tons of stuff about the actual birth. so we kind of all just visited together and she answered our questions that have come up since the last visit and since we watched The Business of Being Born

Our question: If we have to transport to a hospital, do we go to Dr. F's hospital or just go anywhere?
Nancy: first of all, it's not a transport, i prefer to call it a 'change in location.' and she then went on to tell us that we will go to Dr. F's hospital because that's where they're really nice and she has a relationship and we want to go somewhere where they are ready for us. that we would be moving into care if we went there. and we DO NOT want to go to an ER where it would take us more time to get into a place where we could deliver. she also said if a change in location was necessary it would happen way before the actual immediacy of birth and it wouldn't be like i was delivering on the way to the hospital (uh, mom) but we'd get there in plenty of time. she shared with us that there are some things that with first time mom's are just game over for home birth and we go. like meconium in the water. (which recently happened) she kept saying it was about moving INTO care and that with first time mom's it's a 50 50 shot on what's going to happen, but not to be disappointed or think it's a failure if we change location.
i told her i'm totally in that mindset. home birth is my ideal but if nancy says go, we go.

Our question: Does she bring a birth assistant? (this came out of a conversation with my mom last night)
Nancy: that's really dependent on you. she said if we want someone we could hire someone for an additional fee. and that she felt if she needed someone she would let us know but she generally is ok without an assistant. she asked us to think carefully about who would actually be present at the birth. and gave us moment to think about that if lots of other women are there then the husband tends to shrink away and he has a very different experience, plus he then can get sort of pushed aside. she was stressing the importance of the two of us as the primary unit. she said something to the effect of: well max you might be squeamish, but if i ask you to help cut the cord because i only have two hands and you're the only one there, you're going to step up and do it because you can help and because you would do anything you can for your wife and for your baby. and if other people are there you have a different role, a different experience, and don't help so much.
that was really helpful as i think about how this thing should go. it freed me up to feel ok if i only want max around me (which would be true to my form).

she did say that it is helpful to have additional help after the birth for feeding the new parents and doing laundry and getting set up. she said she's had times when there's a friend of the parents there as an assistant who then leaves right after the birth but nancy said most of her work happens in the delivery and then in the 3-5 hours after the birth so the person leaving isn't really much help.

other things she shared: Normal Human gestation is anywhere between 38 to 42 weeks. 40 weeks is the average. so all those babies at 42 weeks really aren't Late they're just over their date but not necessarily late, some babies just need to cook longer. she compared it to farmers with animals. they know a general range of when to expect the baby and they don't mess with the mom in that range, she'll do it when the baby is ready. and the baby tells her.
she also shared that first time moms tend to be surprised because it takes longer than they expect and it hurts more than they expect. (so i guess i shouldn't count on a 4 hour experience here) she did reassure me that with the birth history in my family things look pretty good for me. but i still won't get my hopes up for a short process. she said 95% of people could birth entirely on their own because their bodies know what to do but 5% would die of complications. so we've got her there to tell us if we need to make a change.

and she generally gave her opinions on the birth movie, on water birth in this country, the status of home birth vs. hospital birth and how C-sections can happen just because a doctor's shift is coming to an end and the baby hasn't been delivered yet (so the OB gets paid rather than someone else getting paid, UGH!)

then the nuts and bolts: my weight gain was exact for this month at one pound a week. how that is possible on a diet of things like potato chips and lots of cookies and ice cream is beyond me, maybe it's the tea. Babe is getting bigger. her home is 21 inches (or cm?) at 21 weeks which measures dead on for where she is supposed to be. her strong kicks started in the middle of May which is dead on for a middle of October delivery (exactly where we're supposed to be). And her heartbeat sounds good in the 150s right where she's supposed to be. so all signs have us pretty much exactly right. my mom was almost dead on in 3 out of 4 babies and was dead on for the 4th for due dates so i'm betting we'll be pretty close. all good news. rest easy until the next appointment, first week of July.