i should probably apologize to Emily D. for this post because if her husband reads it he'll be all for moving to Bali, or it will at least support his beliefs.... and we'll leave it at that.
In a lot of the baby books i read they talk about how often American women carry their babies around. actually, it's probably Western women, not just American. and then the books compare us to women in 'primitive' or traditional cultures, 3rd world nations, or Native Americans. Turns out babies in industrialized nations don't get carried nearly as much as babies in these more traditional cultures. in many of these cultures babies are swaddled and essentially worn on mama's back for the first few months of life. according to The Happiest Baby on the Block this, not being carried, is a real jip to your newborn in the first three months of life, the so-called Fourth Trimester, because he/she has been carried 24/7 all the while in the womb. then to be picked up and held only 3 hours a day is a real loss. so of course Happiest Baby emphasizes carrying your baby as much as possible. really, 12 hours a day is only HALF of what she was getting before birth. the flip side argument that is given is often "you'll spoil her if you carry her too much" (i actually heard a mother get told that just last week) as if you could spoil a 3 month old. all they need is to poop and sleep and STAY ALIVE. or that the child will not learn to be self-sufficient or a self-soother as promoted in Babywise. i am personally not going to weigh in on this argument because i don't have a baby yet and i don't remember being one, as of yet i have no opinion.
The people that are very often brought up in reference to this 'CARRY YOUR BABY WITH YOU ALWAYS' mantra are the Balinese. According to Balinese tradition the children are revered as little gods until about the age of 6 months. the child is always in the arms of an adult and often sleeps in bed with the adults or sleeps in the arms of an adult. at 6 months the baby goes through an elaborate ceremony where he/she is welcomed to the land of the mortals and then and only then do her tiny baby feet touch the Earth for the first time. to read a description of this by a western woman author check out Chapter 105 in Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love.
so i don't know why they give us this example in the baby books. are American women not supposed to let their babies touch the floor or the earth anymore? what about tummy time???
anyways, lest you think the Balinese have it totally awesome. you might want to consider one of their other habits with regards to children. Everywhere you go in Ubud, Bali there are babies and small children packed onto mopeds, scooters, and motorcycles. no helmets. but they never write about that in the baby books. and even the youngest children are carried in laps on the moped or scooter. here are some photos to illustrate the point.
this is a view from the open highway, you can just make out the baby on her lap on the back moped.
All three on the bike on the way to school
see the little one in the red hat?
Babe in arms
the other thing that has become popular in Bali recently (according to our Bali friend on the trip ) is that young couples actually try to get pregnant to be sure that they can before they get married. Children are the absolute most important part of the balinese family and now the young couples make sure they can have them before they bother to get married. again, not something i think much of America will be picking up and trying to make mainstream.
now typing this post i feel like i'm telling on Bali, which couldn't be further from the truth. i LOVED bali, i LOVED the people and i LOVED how the family was absolutely of paramount importance. i just don't think i'll go riding my moped with Babe on the back with no helmet anytime soon. but i guess if you have to get somewhere in Bali that's just what you do. we are, however registered for more than one baby sling. baby carrying here we come.
4 comments:
Having had a child, I do not think it is possible to spoil your child too much. Unfortunately, I never read about baby carrying or even discovered how much of an "attached" parent I wanted to be until Cillian was about 6 months old. However, I had held him when he slept, day and night, almost all of the time (he still sleeps with us). I also spent a great deal of time with him trying to enrich his mind, even though I did let him touch the floor, with mobiles and tummy time and such. He has always been what Dr. Sears refers to as a high needs baby (and child), and has always needed a lot of contact and interaction.
Although, when he was younger, it seemed difficult at times because I felt like I rarely had time for myself, I think it made the world of difference for Cillian. I think that practicing a lot of the attached parenting ideals has been what has helped shape him into the intelligent, empathetic little man that he is.
Now that I already have my baby sling, I am planning to wear this baby as much as possible. I have also read that it helps to wear the younger child and just get on the floor to play with the older child, so I am hoping that works!! I think that baby wearing is a great idea and I will be right there along with you!!
Hahaha. :) Too funny.
As for the baby carrying/wearing, I'm definitely a fan. It's instinctual! And The Happiest Baby on the Block is absolutely one of my favorite books (so is The Happiest Toddler on the Block - the same types of principles apply; you know, the whole evolution thing). I think understanding the first three months as the 4th trimester gives you MAJOR insight into Babe's world.
the continuum concept by jean liedloff is a wonderful book... she lived with an amazonian tribe for years and documented many of their parenting styles...
and *shameful look* once i was stranded on the side of a huge interstate and got a ride with bikers! *gasp* the toddler and me on bike 1 with old guy, 4 year old on bike 2 with middle aged couple. a short trek to the exit and a well lit store where my husband could rescue me. it was horrifying!!
I know who you heard say "you'll spoil that baby!" :) Ha ha ha ha... I love carrying sawyer. I know some moms had babies who liked being in slings or arms less, so you may have a non-cuddly baby, but I think that it benefits most of them a lot!
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