Life in the Unknown

Yesterday I got all excited. I started the Blog. I emailed my Yoga Teacher to let her know. I put things in order.


Then i got the phone call from my doctor. Apparently when i took the blood test it came back positive, but JUST BARELY. to be statistically positive it has to score 5 and i scored 8. now if it was 8 out of 10 ok that would be great. but no, she said she likes to see a number somewhere near 500. 500!! that is not anywhere NEAR 8.

So now she's sending me a lab sheet that i am supposed to hold onto, and not jump the gun. i am supposed to go back to the lab in the middle of next week. OR i'm supposed to get my period i think. she didn't exactly say that, but she didn't seem all that optimistic either. so either we caught it REALLY early or it just isn't going to stick around. hmmmm....

yesterday i was all worked up about it. but then i meditated and did my pranayama exercises and even though i didn't think they were working, they did. i felt much much better. and i just softened and let it go. maybe i am, maybe i'm not. maybe it'll stick, maybe it won't. what can i do? nothing. and if it doesn't happen this time it will happen another time. and then i started looking at my symptoms and they've all but disappeared. Last wednesday i almost puked after yoga class.... this week i'm tolerating it quite fine AND not feeling a rush of hormones after every pose. i'm pretty sure this time isn't the time.

wanting a little reassurance that i'm waiting a few days for my period instead of nine months and for a baby i took a home pregnancy test this morning. and wouldn't you know it, the little devil was positive. not the most reassuring positive (a faint positive) but still positive. arg!

so now i'll just have to keep on waiting. waiting. waiting. i won't practice the tough twisting and folding yoga poses that i'd hoped to work on this morning, instead i'll stimulate my thyroid and other glands and just wait a week and see what happens. drifting in the unknown.